


no saviors (if we can't save our brothers)

by blazeofglory



Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Spoilers for 85-86
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:07:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22243078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazeofglory/pseuds/blazeofglory
Summary: Beverly doesn't make it.Moonshine and Hardwon don't know what to do with themselves.
Relationships: Moonshine Cybin & Hardwon Surefoot & Beverly Toegold V
Comments: 23
Kudos: 50





	no saviors (if we can't save our brothers)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the end of 85 and that short rest... 
> 
> Title from "Cardinals" by The Wonder Years.

It’s quiet, in the aftermath. It’s been a long day—longer than a day, maybe—and everyone is exhausted; they’ve all parted ways, going off to clean their wounds and mourn their dead and maybe try to rest. 

The monsters are defeated, and they have a little time to breathe before they face the next round of foes. They won these fights, defeated the Hollow Gods, but this feels like anything but victory. 

Moonshine has never suffered a loss like this before. 

“Hardwon,” she whispers, voice shaking, as she clutches his hand tight. His fingers are slack in her grip. “What do we do?” 

Hardwon doesn’t respond; he just stares into the fire, like he hasn’t even heard her speak. He hasn’t said a word since earlier, since a soft, “ _Oh, kid.”_

This is going to destroy him and Moonshine doesn’t think she can stop it. 

“Balnor is gonna be okay,” she says, because if she stops talking, she’ll start crying, and she just—she can’t fall apart yet. There’s too much left to do. “Meemaw is takin’ care of him, he’s gonna be just fine.” 

Pawpaw makes a quiet noise, curled up in her lap, and there’s nothing in the world that could make Moonshine feel better right now, but she appreciates him trying. 

“I just…” she stares down into the fire, and it’s odd how she doesn’t feel the warmth. “I should’ve been there. I could’ve healed him, and—and he’d be here right now. He’d be over with Erlin, but he’d come to the stump tonight, and we’d all go to bed, and… And he’d be with us and he’d be okay.” 

The fire crackling is so loud in the quiet night. Moonshine doesn’t expect a reply. 

But finally, Hardwon speaks up. 

“It’s my fault,” he whispers. He stares into the fire, unblinking. The firelight casts dark shadows on his face, and he looks old beyond his years. “I dropped him, Moonshine. He’s dead because of me.” 

“Come on, no, it’s not your fault,” Moonshine says softly, but it’s lacking the conviction that she was aiming for. It _is_ their fault, both of them combined. They did this, they brought a teenager into a war. They encouraged it, enabled it, and they thought it was okay because they were taking care of him. 

But they slipped up. Moonshine wasn’t there to heal him and Hardwon could only do so much to save him, and now Beverly is dead. His blood is on their hands, and Moonshine doesn’t think she’ll ever be okay with that—and how could she be? There’s no coming to terms with this, there’s no moving on; they’ll carry this guilt with them to the grave. 

There isn’t even a body left for them to try to restore or resurrect or—or even bury. He’s dead and he’s gone and there’s no bringing him back. 

They’ll have to tell Martha what happened, and Moonshine doesn’t know what she’ll say. Maybe she’ll start with, _I’m sorry we couldn’t save your son, just like we couldn’t save your husband. I’m sorry the Toegold name will die with you_. Then maybe, _Why did we all think it was okay to send a child to war? One of us should’ve stopped it, Martha. He was groomed for this and we all just let it happen._

Moonshine touches the necklace of teeth hanging around her neck, and she knows that she didn’t just _let it happen_. Her and Hardwon both, they fostered Bev’s anger and they furthered his training, and they shaped him into the warrior he is. _Was._

They did this to him. They let him down. 

They killed him. 

And—and Bev is with Pelor now, but that isn’t comforting. His absence in Moonshine’s fungal network has left a gaping hole inside her, she feels every inch of what’s _missing_ , of what’s been there for so long and has suddenly been torn away from her, and she didn’t get to even say goodbye, and… 

Moonshine feels sick. 

“What do we do?” she whispers again, throat thick with tears. They start falling now and she can’t stop them. She’s never felt this helpless in her life—for a second, she wants to run to Meemaw, hide her face in that red hair and let herself be hugged—but it passes quickly. Meemaw can’t help now. 

The only person that Moonshine wants to hug right now is dead. 

“We’ll find a way to fix this,” Hardwon replies, resolute, and Moonshine turns to him with wide eyes. He drags his gaze away from the fire, and there’s something dark in his eyes when they make eye contact. “We’ve seen miracles, Moonshine. There has to be a way to bring him back.” 

“Hardwon, we can’t do anything without a body,” she says carefully, but he doesn’t even look deterred. If anything, he looks more determined. 

“There are other ways. There have to be.” 

“Like, what?” Moonshine asks, heart racing. “A deal with a devil? You know he wouldn’t want that, even if we could make it happen.” 

“No,” Hardwon dismisses immediately. He turns back to the fire, a look of deep thought on his face. “No, we don’t need a devil. We need a god.” 

Moonshine stubbornly wipes at her tears, but they keep falling steadily. She squeezes Hardwon’s hand again, and this time he squeezes back. “Melora can’t help us with this, and I don’t think Pelor can either. I’ve been prayin’, but—” 

“I know,” Hardwon interrupts, voice low. “They’re _useless_.” 

Moonshine freezes suddenly, wary of where this conversation may go. 

“What are you saying?” she asks carefully. 

“I’m saying that there’s someone who can bring him back,” Hardwon replies, and his tone brokers no argument. He’s already made up his mind. “Wouldn’t you do anything for him? Wouldn’t you sacrifice whatever it took to save him?” 

There’s a part of Moonshine that wants to say that there’s no saving left to do, but she _can’t_. Her boy is dead and she can’t just give up. She swallows thickly. “Yeah, I’d do whatever it takes.” 

“Good.” Hardwon stands abruptly, and he tugs her up with him too, still holding Pawpaw in her arms. 

“Are we really gonna do this?” Moonshine whispers. She looks around warily, but it’s all still quiet—no one’s around to hear them. No one is going to stop them. 

“We’ll do what we have to,” Hardwon replies. “And right now… we have to find Thiala.” 


End file.
